This article explores polyamory and how people around the country are seeing Poly On The Rise.

Poly On The Rise

Once upon a time, polyamory and, more broadly, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), were viewed as the stuff of erotic fiction, something relegated to fantasy and not reality. While there can certainly be spicy moments of sensational seduction, polyamory is not a strictly sexual affair. Polyamory can also include cohabitation, shared resources, and shared long-term goals (many of my local poly humans aspire toward the ultimate mecca of “the poly compound”). Nevertheless, due to stigma associated with participating in consensual non-monogamy, most folks never try it out or they keep their lifestyle concealed. However, recent years have started bringing CNM into the public sphere, which has been a critical first step in fostering more wide-spread acknowledgement and acceptance of the lifestyle. With poly on the rise, more awareness is happening, even from those outside the community.

What Is CNM In Dating?

For those unfamiliar with the terms, CNM is a practice where individuals or couples form an above the table agreement to engage in multiple sexual relationships. Part of that agreement may include maintaining emotional and/or romantic fidelity to one individual while pursuing outside sexual relationships. Polyamory falls under the CNM umbrella and is a relationship style that allows everyone involved to pursue multiple sexual, emotional, and romantic relationships. To learn more about the basic principles of CNM and the different relationship styles that fall under its umbrella— including polyamory— check out our other blog post.

Major media outlets, such as Rolling Stone, CBSNews, and NPR, published articles in the recent past discussing the topic of polyamory. Many people practicing polyamory and CNM have also had their stories center in the lifestyle sections of prominent news sources, such as The New York Times. CNM even featured as a discussion topic on the Red Table Talk, a web television talk show hosted by Willow Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith, and, her mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris.

Polyamory In Media – Poly On The Rise

The last couple of decades has also seen the appearance of a lot of popular print media. More Than Two, The Ethical Slut, the Polyamorist Next Door are just a small selection of the many polyamory and CNM books that have been released over the years. Many of these books are written by long term members of the polyamory and CNM communities, offering unique firsthand insights that is at times absent in short form news articles that are written about us, but without consulting actual members of the community.

Mainstream media isn’t the only place that is shining a spotlight on the topics of CNM and polyamory; Academic institutions are churning out an increasing volume of studies and journal articles aimed at better understanding the estimated 9.8 million adults actively practicing CNM in the United States. In alignment with that goal, the American Psychological Association formed a task force dedicated to producing research and providing resources on CNM. The Consensual Non-monogamy Task Force hit the ground running upon formation, their accomplishments to date ranging from compiling scholarly articles into an public online library to documenting best practices for research and clinical practices to promoting the successful addition of CNM and kink-affirming terms to provider directories.

Increased Representation

As someone who has been a part of the polyamorous community for almost 6 years now (and the broader CNM community for longer still), it’s been a breath of fresh air to watch the increasing amount of publicly available resources and media representation of the poly community. My first foray into consensual non-monogamy back in my undergraduate career was, frankly, a bit of a disaster. I got involved with someone who was in an open relationship with a high school sweetheart who attended a different college down the road. Eventually I was invited to be a third in the relationship, an arrangement that lasted approximately 2 months before crashing and burning. While there were several factors that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, much of which ultimately came down to the fact that none of us knew what we were doing, resulting in broken hearts all around.

New Beacons

Years down the road, I’m in a stable, healthy relationship with two different people and privileged to have a kickass metamour. Over the past 6 years, I’ve had everything ranging from casual, one-night flings to serious dating partners who have since transitioned into platonic friendships. There are two big things that finally allowed me to successfully navigate the polyamorous lifestyle: community and online resources. In my early attempts at CNM, I had neither of those. I was in a relationship that seemed to only exist in paperback novels and the only people I could talk to about it was the couple I was dating. Every time a mainstream news source posts an objective article on the topic and or a polyamorous person authors a new book, a beacon is lit in the night to help those new to the lifestyle navigate the stormy waters of CNM while living in a society where monogamy is the norm.

Hope For The Future

Increasing media coverage and resources won’t put a halt to all the hiccups and complications that can result from a polyamorous lifestyle. Most of us are still raised in a monogamous and heteronormative environment that cast jealousy and possessiveness as characteristic of “healthy relationships”. Even those of us who are naturally wired for polyamory still need to unpack the social constructs stamped into our subconscious that say monogamy is good and polyamory is bad. However, I believe that increased visibility of both local and global polyamory communities, as well as a greater amount of free online resources, will make the unpacking a little less miserable for everyone.  As time goes by, there is even more hope for the future.

Other Local Polyamory Notes

Thanks for reading Poly On The Rise, one of many articles and resources on the Poly Ann Arbor website. For people who are looking for polyamory events in Ann Arbor, polyamory in Detroit, Ypsilanti polyamory events, and polyamory groups in Michigan, this website has top resources, and even more being added. Make sure to take a look at our events calendar as things start opening up more. Finding polyamorous people in Ann Arbor and beyond starts with the right tool, and we are excited to provide them.